Sela Locke

C H A P T E R N I N E He started pacing distractedly, apparently not noticing when his foot came down hard on her arm. Aslina closed her ...

Oh my gosh, I loved it! I didn't find any things to correct, but that's probably 'cause your such a great writer. The funny parts made me laugh, which is ...

Once got most of the nitpicks, and so I will quickly over-view the story... It was certainly good, if not a little too obvious that it's spiralling into a vamp ...

C H A P T E R E I G H T “And… you were only lying to us, back when you used your talent? You actually enjoy that pleading; ...

I don't have time to go through your whole critique just yet - however, thank you in advance! xD I hope I c'n get to it soon. ;-; - Edit: ...

As I read this, my mouth slowly began to edge open, and my hands sort of - fell asleep on the key-board. I was so wrapped up in the story, ...

Alright. Let us plunge into the numerous nitpicks, shall we? Uncle Flynn pat ted me on the back, with ivy growing on its side. I cut out the apostrophe. Not ...

I've enjoyed Steph Meyer, but this was still amusing. =D Although it needs to be LONGER! Gah. xD

I have three questions that I need you to answer before I can review... Where is the dialogue? Where are the characters? Where is the description? This was - quite ...

What I mean is, all you do is tell everything. It makes the entire story boring.

I have this strange feeling you copied me. Mostly because you did, but yeah. =D

Less tell, more show is all I can find to say. It's a rather big problem. ;-;

Defense, duh! Defence is the lamer way to say it. -sneered-

'Sitting alone in my room,' Never, ever, ever use these words in this sequence again.

Yes - some. But you still tell a lot. It will get better with practice and over time. =D I just commented on your Alladin story. Interesting, but too much ...